It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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