wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
