Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
sarcasm needs its own font
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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