A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
