Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Randomize