Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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