you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
