hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
