I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
