Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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