trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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