I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Enjoy the penises
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
