Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I have feelings that need drinking.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
