you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
