Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
