My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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