I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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