The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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