I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize