i jhust puked up my retainher.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
