apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Hippo gnu deer
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
