Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
