i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize