I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Randomize
