I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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