I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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