Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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