we're chasing vodka with high fives
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
