im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
