OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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