pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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