we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
