38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize