Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
