I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
