One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Randomize
