I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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