I skipped work to stalk him.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I just sucked dick on a ferry
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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