Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
