You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
