At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
