I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He shit in the fireplace
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize