I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
youre lurking in front of me
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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