i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
