A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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