he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
