she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I wish life had little blips of pornography
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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