omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
