I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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