And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
