Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
