I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just invented taco cereal.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
