I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
