i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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