so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
