I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
