I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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