I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
