i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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