I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
