you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Randomize
