When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
