Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
