My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
