and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
