I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize