why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
