Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
