Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
