That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize