I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
