The maid of honor just puked.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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