i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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