I wish I only lived at night.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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