we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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