I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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