Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
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