Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
